I know hardly anyone reads this thing anymore sense I don't post often... so im writing this here instead of all over Facebook as to not make it extremely public. Octobee 15th my families home burned down and was a total loss.... 3 of our 5 dogs died scared alone and terrified in that fire.... we lost things like the only pictures we had left of my grandpa who died... my mom and dads wedding photos, my bother and my baby photos... halters and bridles and collars of our horses and dogs who have passed... graduation photos caps gowns and diplomas, flags that nick flew over Kuwait on his missions... and many other things that will never be able to be replaced.... that was hard.... and I was upset but what made me angry most was the fact that the people who I called my friends and the ones that always claimed all over facebook and stuff that they would always be there for me... were the ones who weren't there at all.... leading up to the fire I had seen them about 5-6 weeks prior at my birthday party but not sense then... this given group would say no to hanging out or seeing eachother even for a short time where I offered to provide food and drinks and just hang out like normal friends do.... I eventially started keeping track 92% of the time answers were no because they "were tired" or "wanted to stay and relax". There was even a time where we had planned to go somewhere but that place was closed so I asked them if they wanted to just hang at my place and I would cook and they said they were just staying in, and then went to hang out with another group of theirs. Then they requested i bring them food. I could have but sense they were busy i had decided to do something else. Nice to know they wanted me to bring them cake but hang out with everyone else. Friends when its convenient. So this had been going on for quite some time (well over a month) before the fire happened.... I called these friends the night of the fire and told them all what had happened.... for the next week unless I had sent a message first I didnt hear nothing from them.... I asked 2 times if we could meet up granted it was a 30 minute drive for them and a 30 minute drive from where I was staying at my grandparents.... I offered to pay for food or ice cream... but no go... one night was one of their birthdays but the other one wasn't.... then later when there was a community fundraiser i said it would mean a lot to me if they showed up.... even for a little bit.... none of them were there... even though they were close by for a birthday dinner.... they couldnt swing by for 10 or 15 minutes to say hello.... one person had planned a birthday party for the birthday person and told me the date... but never a time or location... didn't mention anything about it the week before it was supposed to happen... with out house burning down and another friend having leg surgery and my cousin on his death bed from testicular and pancreatic cancer the fact that this party hadnt been mentioned in over a week it was not on the forefront of my mind... even if I had been told when and where it would be and remembered it, my parents needed to go by clothes and food that day... 2 of our dogs made it out of the fire and we had one staying in the hotel... the hotel does not allow you to keep a dog in the room unless somebody is with them... being you cant take a dog into a grocery or clothing store someone had to stay to watch her. I sent messages after I saw a post about the party and said I was sorry for not making it and hope they had a good time (even though i was never told what time or where it was). I didn't get a response that night and got to thinking that I was fairly disappointed about how this "friendship" was going so i told them about how I felt and that I was disappointed. It was a long argument that consisted of me trying to make the point that we are all busy but they never seem to find time for people they call friends.... I got told I was throwing a pitty party and i was a selfish asshole who only had 3 friends and that i dont care about my health and my prioritys arent straight and how im a terrie friend and how i dont care about my health and im a bad and how i need to grow up and they cant hold my hand and that nobody actually cares about my family that they only donate money and pretend like they do..... and a bunch of other stuff..."you could have lost a lot more in the fire" yup i guess my whole family could have died... maybe then they would be happy that they didnt have to hold my hand and have a "needy friend" holding them back from figuring their lives out.... I learned that to them family is more important than friends... and in case you didnt know the saying blood is thicker than water isnt the true saying... the full saying is that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb and I couldnt agree more although the majority of these friends parents haven't divorced either so they still have that intact close family group... and saying I dont care about my health was another low blow.... i try to keep my health problems hidden from my friends most of them know i have bad knees but they don't know why or how painful it is... i have osteocondriti m8s dissecans.... i was diagnosed when i was in 3rd or 4th grade... basically there is little to no blood flow to the cartilage in my knees which results in the cartilage dieing and breaking off in my knee joint not only decreasing the amount of cushin in my knees but then catching and grinding making it painful to move my knees no matter what i am doing.... i also have an autoimmune disease called hashimoto's that causes my immune system to attack and destroy my thyroid... which controls so many things in your body like your metabolism for example... or how a fall off my horse at 7 years old messed up my hip (left hip) which causes me pain at least a few days a month and acts up worse every now and then, and actually caused my left leg to be about an inch shorter than my right... which then makes it hard on my back which i throw out about once a year... i never the 2 times i broke my foot or when i tore the ligaments and bruised the bone in my ankle but unlike most people who just take it easy when their back is "out" i litterally cant even move or stand... 2 winters ago i threw my back out giving water to the chickens... my back went out and i dropped to the ground soaked in water laying in chicken crap for 10 minutes until i had sense enough to get my phone and call someone so saying I dont care about my health even though i constantly combat these issues was a low blow to me.... the fact that all this happened was good because it let me know that i needed to kick these so called friends to the curb and I couldn't be any more happy that I did!
Long story short I got rid of these people and have been doing better, i haven't had an anxiety attack in over a month, im happier spending time with people who actually care about my family and myself and doing so much better than I have in a long time... so my words to all you out there who have "friends" who dont care and dont show... DROP THEM you will be so much happier to have them out of your life!
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