I wonder a lot why I seem to push everyone I know away.... maybe my standards are to high... maybe I don't trust enough....
It's hard not to push a friend away when time after time again they see you fall and dont offee a hand in helping you back up... when your world is falling to pieces around you and they just don't feel like being around because it's not convenient for them.... or you push your sister away because she talks about you and how awful she thinks you are to your friends behind your back, and disrespects your wishes about not having to see her and her boyfriend grope eachother on the couch... and tells everyone else you kicked her out for no reason cause her boyfriend shows up randomly and she owes you $2000 and the groping and going out till 2 or 3 sometimes 4 the talking behind your back.... pushing your parents away because they dont understand or even try to see what's going on... to hear them constantly say "you can always talk to us" but time and time again you open up and it turns into a shit show of them saying "why the fuck cant you just be normal" why cant you do this or that..... or when you see your parent as more of a friend than a parent because they act more like a teenager than you do.... who has never had a job not provided by his mom and dad because he would get fired working anywhere else... maybe I push everyone else away because I cant relate to them or them to me.... one thing I do believe my parents have been right about is me not acting my age.... I've seen to much shit in this world to act like a young dumb teenager so maybe that's why I don't put up with it.... now that I think about it none of my friends I have pushed away have had to deal with some of the things I have... and in glad they haven't but it also gives them a very different perspective of the world.... they dont see the bad in everyone because they haven't been hurt and let down time and time again.... so maybe it is that I dont trust people.... but every time I have trusted in the past I have always come out on the shit end of the deal... so do ya blame me?
